Latest news with #imposter syndrome
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3 hours ago
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If You Have Imposter Syndrome, You Likely Live With These 9 'Unspoken Fears,' a Psychologist Says
If You Have Imposter Syndrome, You Likely Live With These 9 'Unspoken Fears,' a Psychologist Says originally appeared on Parade. Generally speaking, we try to stay away from "imposters," whether they're trying to manipulate us into handing over a bank account number or our heart (AKA a two-timing romantic partner). However, your inner critic may unfairly label you an imposter every time you pursue a goal. If you struggle to mute that internal monologue and start believing your critic has a point, you may have imposter syndrome."Imposter syndrome is the feeling or belief that we are not entitled to say something, do something, or be a particular way despite evidence to the contrary," explains Dr. Craig Kain, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist. "Clients express imposter syndrome when they tell me, 'I know I can do this—I am already doing it—but I still feel like a fake.'"Clearly, advice to "fake-it-'til-you-make-it" can only go so far, especially if you experience this imposter phenomenon. Dr. Kain warns that this self-deception can cause anxiety levels that become so paralyzing that you cannot find joy in your accomplishments and life. Working on your unspoken fears is useful. However, first, you need to recognize them. Here, Dr. Kain shares nine common, unspoken fears associated with imposter syndrome, as well as strategies for 9 Unspoken Fears in People Living With Imposter Syndrome, a Psychologist Says 1. Sounding ignorant Dr. Kain shares that people with this fear will often ask themselves, 'What if someone asks me something about a topic I don't know about and I have nothing to say?'"Because we falsely believe we should know everything about everything, we fear someone putting us on the spot," he warns. "This fear of humiliation is a very common one throughout people's lives."Related: 2. Revealing a working-class background Society often views wealth as something best measured in dollars and cents, which can make people with blue-collar roots feel especially self-conscious. For instance, Dr. Kain says that people may wonder whether they'll get judged for using the "wrong fork" at a lavish dinner party or wedding."This fear of social humiliation can be strong even after years of education and a solid white-collar career," he explains. "It can be extremely anxiety-provoking in situations where working-class people are stereotyped and looked down upon." 3. Pronouncing something incorrectly Dr. Kain notes that people with developmental differences are often prone to this unspoken fear of imposter syndrome."Because assisted technology is readily available and extremely useful, many of my clients have relied on audiobooks to get them through their education," he says. "They often go on to be highly successful despite struggling to read quickly or fluently. I have clients who have avoided jobs and careers because of the fear of being perceived as 'stupid' because they struggle reading aloud."Dr. Kain adds that people who aren't fluent in English or don't consider it their primary language are also at a higher risk of this one."If they have a strong need to blend in and not draw attention to themselves, if they have worked hard to eliminate an accent, the fear of 'giving themselves away' by mispronouncing a word can be extremely paralyzing," he 4. Difficult questions You've earned your way to expert status, yet you find yourself chronically asking yourself, "What if someone asks me a question I cannot answer? Won't they know I'm not the expert?" Dr. Kain experienced this one himself. When he started teaching, he wondered what would happen if a student asked him something he couldn't answer."I'm not really sure what caused my belief that I had to know everything about the topic I taught—perhaps it was because I was still under the naive impression my professors knew everything about their areas of expertise—but I worried I'd be seen as an imposter if I didn't," he says. "I'm slightly embarrassed to say it took me a while to realize students are perfectly fine waiting a week for an answer so that I could do some research." 5. Specific questions about your history The idea of answering questions you do know the answer to—such as about your education—may also trigger anxiety if you have imposter syndrome."This is common in people who come from working-class families or who didn't go to upper-tier schools," Dr. Kain says. "The idea that our family of origin's social status defines us as adults or that the school we went to somehow speaks to our intelligence later in life fuels this fear of humiliation and feelings of being an imposter."Related: 6. Having something to prove You may ask yourself, 'What if someone says, 'Prove it,' to me and I can't?' Dr. Kain notes that he often hears competitive athletes release this unspoken fear in therapy with him, especially when they're highly ranked due to stellar past performance."The fear that their success was due to luck and not hard work and skill can increase typical pre-game jitters to an unbearable intensity, all centered around an anticipated humiliation of being called a fake or imposter if they underperform," he may also experience this fear if you received high praise for a work presentation you gave to your company at an all-hands meeting and have since been tasked with speaking to the board of directors. 7. Sounding too intelligent or nerdy Having "smarts" is generally considered a positive trait. However, imposter syndrome has a funny way of turning it into a negative. Dr. Kain says people with this unspoken fear are typically scared that they'll say or do something that tips their friends off that they aren't that "cool." 'While they may, at times, feel like they belong, it is offset by feeling like they're an imposter," he adds that he primarily sees this fear in teens. However, it can strike people of any age and trigger emotional and psychological 8. Exposing a lack of experience People with imposter syndrome often live in fear that they'll say or do something that gets them tagged as "inexperienced.""This common manifestation of imposter syndrome often arises when we have recently mastered a new subject, task or skill, undermining our hard work and effort and discounting our accomplishments," Dr. Kain you have this unspoken fear, you might ask yourself, 'What if I don't know how to do something others think I'm supposed to know how to do?' 9. Forgetting everything during a presentation and performance Lights, what? People with imposter syndrome can experience stage fright long before the curtains go up."This version of the imposter syndrome capitalizes on catastrophic thinking and the notion that everyone in an audience would know and care if we messed up," Dr. Kain likes to remind clients that the audience is almost always rooting for them, not against them, and will understand if they lose their place."Most people in an audience are happy they are in their chair and not on stage presenting or performing," he 4 Tips for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome 1. Stop comparing They say comparison is the thief of joy. However, it's rocket fuel for imposter syndrome."So much of imposter syndrome is based on social comparison," Dr. Kain says. "We mentally paint a picture of how someone will react to us based on a limited amount of information we may have about them."He reminds clients that few people share their inner workings—including any unspoken fears of imposter syndrome they have."Having worked as a therapist for many years, I can assure you that most people do not have it nearly as together on the inside as they may want you to think," he explains. "Hardly anybody has it all figured out, and nearly nobody feels confident all the time."Related: 2. Remember that even experts make mistakes This tip is handy if you're afraid to say or do something that gets you labeled as inexperienced or if you don't know the answer to a question."Imposter syndrome lives in the fear of being 'found out, 'slipping up' and making mistakes," Dr. Kain shares. "It is helpful to remember that making a mistake does not make you an imposter. It simply makes you a human being." 3. Talk to someone Transform your unspoken imposter syndrome fear by saying it out loud. Dr. Kain says you may be surprised by what you hear in return."Let someone else know you feel like an imposter," he suggests. "It's rare to find someone who can honestly say they never felt that way themselves. If you do find someone who tells you they have never experienced imposter syndrome, there is a high likelihood they've accomplished this by avoiding challenging situations."Related: 4. Work on actual gaps No one is perfect. If the voice in your head has a point, there's no shame in working on a gap in knowledge or experience. In fact, it's a sign of maturity and can lead to growth."If you find that you truly are lacking in some area, figure out a way to make up the missing skills, information or experiences," Dr. Kain says. "Do what you can to be more comfortable in your own skin."Sign up for a course, volunteer your time, find a mentor—you and those around you will benefit from your humility and grit. Up Next:Source: Dr. Craig Kain, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist If You Have Imposter Syndrome, You Likely Live With These 9 'Unspoken Fears,' a Psychologist Says first appeared on Parade on Jul 22, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 22, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
5 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
15 Signs Your Life Is Driven By Hidden Shame
Ever catch yourself worrying about what others think or feeling like you're just not good enough? You might be dealing with hidden shame. It's that sneaky emotional baggage that can lurk under the surface and impact your decisions, relationships, and overall happiness. Recognizing the signs is the first step to addressing it. 1. You Often Feel Like An Imposter Feeling like an imposter might be a sign that shame is affecting your self-perception. Imposter syndrome occurs when you doubt your accomplishments and fear being exposed as a fraud. This can lead to anxiety and stress, as you constantly strive to prove yourself. The belief that you're undeserving of success can hinder your ability to enjoy your achievements. It can also prevent you from pursuing new opportunities due to fear of failure. Overcoming imposter syndrome requires shifting your mindset towards self-acceptance and self-compassion. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and the hard work you've put into achieving them. Practice acknowledging your strengths and the value you bring to the table. Seek support from trusted friends or mentors who can remind you of your worth. With time, you can reduce the grip of shame and embrace a more confident self-image. 2. You Overwork Yourself If you find yourself consistently diving into work or projects, it could be a way to distract yourself from underlying shame. Overworking is often seen as a badge of honor, but it can also serve as a shield against facing your insecurities. According to Dr. Alice Boyes, an expert on anxiety and overworking, this behavior can stem from feeling like you're never enough. By filling your schedule, you might be trying to outrun the uncomfortable emotions that come with shame. It's important to recognize that productivity doesn't equate to self-worth. Burnout is a real risk when overworking becomes a coping mechanism. It might feel like you're achieving a lot, but you could be sacrificing your mental and physical health. Over time, this can lead to resentment, bitterness, or a sense of emptiness. To break free from this cycle, it's crucial to set boundaries and prioritize self-care. By allowing yourself time to rest and recharge, you can start to address the root causes of your shame. 3. You Avoid Vulnerability When you steer clear of vulnerability, it might indicate that shame is a constant companion. Vulnerability requires showing your authentic self, imperfections and all. If you find yourself putting up walls, it's likely because you fear judgment or rejection. You may feel that showing your true self will confirm the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. This avoidance can lead to isolation and hinder your ability to form deep, meaningful relationships. Being open about your feelings and experiences, even the uncomfortable ones, is crucial for personal growth. When you guard yourself too closely, you miss out on the opportunity to learn from others and grow together. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, and acknowledging that can be liberating. Practicing openness with trusted people can gradually help reduce feelings of shame. Remember, everyone has flaws, and sharing yours can make you more relatable and authentic. 4. You Struggle With Perfectionism Perfectionism can be a telltale sign that shame is influencing your life. When you set impossibly high standards for yourself, you're often trying to prove your worth to the world. This stems from a fear of failure and a belief that you're only as good as your latest achievement. Perfectionism can be paralyzing, leading you to procrastinate or avoid tasks altogether due to fear of making mistakes. Because of this, you may miss opportunities for growth and learning. Living with perfectionism is exhausting, as it demands constant vigilance and self-criticism. You might feel like nothing you do is ever quite good enough, which can perpetuate feelings of shame. Striving for excellence is healthy, but when perfection becomes the goal, it can have a suffocating effect. Accepting imperfections and embracing mistakes as part of the learning process is key to overcoming this mindset. You can begin by setting realistic goals and celebrating small achievements to counteract perfectionist tendencies. 5. You Avoid Conflict If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, it might be because shame is lurking beneath the surface. Conflict can trigger feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection, making it uncomfortable to express your true thoughts or feelings. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and author, highlights that avoiding conflict often leads to unexpressed feelings and unresolved issues. When you dodge disagreements, you're not allowing yourself to be heard or to stand up for what you believe in, hence diminishing your self-esteem. This can also create resentment as issues go unresolved, potentially damaging relationships over time. Learning to handle conflict constructively is an important skill that can enhance your personal and professional relationships. It's okay to have differing opinions, and voicing them can lead to better understanding and stronger bonds. Avoiding conflict doesn't prevent problems; it just postpones them. By addressing issues head-on, you can reduce feelings of shame linked to confrontation. Practice assertive communication to express your needs and boundaries without fear. 6. You Have Difficulty Trusting Others If trusting others is a challenge for you, it could be due to shame-related fears of betrayal or rejection. A lack of trust often stems from past experiences where your faith in someone was broken. This can make you overly cautious, preventing you from forming meaningful connections. You might find yourself second-guessing people's intentions or assuming the worst. These patterns can keep you isolated and locked in a cycle of mistrust. Building trust requires vulnerability and a willingness to take risks. While it's natural to want to protect yourself, distrust can lead to missed opportunities for genuine relationships. Start by recognizing that not everyone will let you down and that opening up can lead to rewarding experiences. Allow yourself to trust in small ways, and gradually work towards deeper connections. Over time, you can build a more balanced perspective on trust and reduce the influence of shame. 7. You Criticize Yourself Harshly When shame is in control, self-criticism can become a constant companion. You might find yourself focusing on your perceived flaws and failures rather than acknowledging your strengths. This can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk that exacerbates feelings of inadequacy. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert on self-compassion, emphasizes the importance of treating yourself with kindness and understanding. By practicing self-compassion, you can shift the focus from shame to personal growth and acceptance. Harsh self-criticism can prevent you from taking risks or trying new things. It can leave you feeling stuck, as if nothing you do will ever be good enough. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and has weaknesses can help you be kinder to yourself. Challenge negative thoughts by reframing them in a more positive or realistic light. Embracing self-compassion can foster a healthier relationship with yourself and reduce the impact of shame. 8. You Struggle With Intimacy If intimacy is challenging for you, it might be a sign that hidden shame is at play. Intimacy requires vulnerability and openness, which can be daunting if you're carrying shame. You might fear that exposing your true self will lead to rejection or judgment. This can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections with others. Avoiding intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Building intimacy takes time and trust, but the rewards are worth the effort. Start by opening up with those you trust and gradually expand your comfort zone. Allow yourself to be seen and valued for who you are, not just the persona you present to the world. Recognize that everyone has insecurities and that sharing them can create stronger bonds. Working through these fears can lead to more fulfilling relationships and a greater sense of belonging. 9. You Have A Deep Fear Of Failure A persistent fear of failure might indicate that shame is influencing your life choices. This fear can stem from a belief that failure defines your worth as a person. It can lead to avoiding challenges or opportunities where success isn't guaranteed. This fear can be paralyzing, holding you back from pursuing your goals and dreams. It can also lead to anxiety and stress, further perpetuating the cycle of shame. Overcoming the fear of failure requires a shift in mindset. Recognize that failure is a part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth. Embrace a more positive perspective by focusing on the lessons gained rather than the mistakes made. Allow yourself to take risks and challenge the belief that failure defines you. With practice, you can reduce the grip of shame and approach new experiences with confidence. 10. You Don't Engage In Any Form Of Self-Care If you neglect self-care, it could be a sign that shame is lurking in the background. When you feel unworthy, taking care of yourself can seem like an undeserved luxury. This can lead to neglecting your physical, emotional, or mental health needs. Over time, this neglect can result in burnout or feelings of resentment. It can also reinforce the belief that you don't deserve good things or positive experiences. Prioritizing self-care is an essential step in overcoming shame. By taking time for yourself, you reaffirm your value and worth. Start small by incorporating simple self-care routines into your daily life. This can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself and reduce feelings of shame. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's a necessary part of maintaining your well-being. 11. You Experience Social Anxiety Social anxiety might be a sign that hidden shame is affecting your ability to interact with others. You may fear judgment or criticism, leading to avoidance of social situations. This anxiety can create a self-fulfilling cycle, where avoidance leads to isolation and further feelings of shame. You might find yourself overanalyzing social interactions or second-guessing your behavior. This can make it challenging to relax and be yourself around others. Overcoming social anxiety requires building confidence and self-acceptance. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone experiences awkward moments. Allow yourself to engage in social situations, even if it's uncomfortable at first. Gradually, your confidence will grow, and the grip of shame will lessen. Remember, it's okay to be imperfect, and others are likely more focused on themselves than on judging you. 12. You Put Others' Needs First If you're constantly putting others' needs before your own, it might be a sign of underlying shame. This behavior can stem from a belief that your needs are less important or that you're only valuable when serving others. While helping people is admirable, neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout and resentment. Over time, it can erode your sense of self-worth and leave you feeling unfulfilled. It's essential to find a balance between caring for others and yourself. Learning to prioritize your needs can help break the cycle of shame. Start by setting boundaries and acknowledging your own desires and feelings. Recognize that taking care of yourself enables you to be more present and supportive for others. Practice saying no when necessary, and remember that your well-being is just as important. By valuing yourself, you can reduce the impact of shame and lead a more balanced life. 13. You Avoid Taking Any Responsibility If you shy away from taking responsibility, it might be due to hidden shame. Owning up to mistakes or shortcomings can be uncomfortable, especially if you fear judgment or failure. This avoidance can manifest as blaming others or making excuses to protect yourself from criticism. However, this behavior can prevent personal growth and strain relationships. Accepting responsibility is an important step in overcoming shame and building self-esteem. Taking responsibility allows you to learn from your mistakes and make positive changes. It demonstrates accountability and integrity, fostering trust and respect in your relationships. By acknowledging your role in situations, you can address issues constructively and move forward. Embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than evidence of inadequacy. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that owning them is a sign of strength. 14. You Have A Hard Time Accepting Compliments Struggling to accept compliments might indicate that shame is influencing how you perceive yourself. When you dismiss or downplay compliments, it could be because you feel unworthy or uncomfortable with praise. This behavior can stem from a deep-seated belief that you're not good enough. Rejecting compliments can reinforce feelings of inadequacy and prevent you from recognizing your strengths. It can also create a barrier in relationships, as people might feel their positive feedback is unwelcome. Learning to accept compliments graciously can help reduce the impact of shame. Start by acknowledging the compliment with a simple "thank you" instead of deflecting it. This practice allows you to internalize positive feedback and build self-esteem. Over time, you can develop a more balanced and accurate view of yourself. Remember, accepting compliments doesn't mean you're arrogant; it means you're recognizing and appreciating your worth. 15. You Constantly Seek Approval If you're always looking for a nod of approval from others, it might be a sign that shame is in the driver's seat. This need for validation can stem from a deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy. You might find yourself changing your behavior just to fit in or to please other people. According to psychologist Dr. Brene Brown, constantly seeking approval can erode your self-worth over time, making you more vulnerable to feelings of shame. When you rely on others to validate your worth, you give away your power to define your own value. Being too attached to what others think can make you lose sight of who you are. It's like wearing a mask, constantly changing your appearance depending on who you're with. This can leave you feeling disconnected from your true self, making it hard to form genuine connections. The more you seek approval externally, the less you rely on your own judgment, further fueling the cycle of shame. Breaking this habit requires a conscious effort to trust yourself and your instincts. Solve the daily Crossword
Fast Company
6 days ago
- Health
- Fast Company
Imposter syndrome? It might be because of your workplace, not your gender
The feeling that you're not quite qualified enough for a job, yet somehow managed to slip through the cracks without anyone noticing, is known as imposter syndrome. The sneaky form of self-doubt can show up across occupations (and even outside of work). But while imposter syndrome was once thought to impact women at higher rates then men, a new study reveals work environments, not an individual's gender, may be what's actually fueling the phenomenon. The research, which was published in Social Psychological and Personality Scienc e, included six experimental studies on how competitive work environments can cause an employee to feel like an imposter. The researchers surveyed employees on how competitive their work environment was, while also collecting information on age, gender, educational level, experience level, and how competitive their personalities were. The researchers found employees were more likely to admit to feeling like imposters when they worked for an organization that emphasized competition over cooperation. Likewise, those who expressed feelings of imposter syndrome were also more likely to compare themselves to colleagues that were performing better than them. Previous research has suggested that women have higher rates of imposter syndrome. However, while women may still experience gender discrimination at work, the new research rejects the idea that imposter syndrome is inherently female. 'Our findings nuance this gendered perspective as we find no evidence that women report higher levels of impostorism and/or that competitive work climates differently impact men's versus women's impostorism,' the researchers wrote. Imposter syndrome is not just a minor annoyance for those who experience it—it can seriously affect mental health. The feeling of not being capable, qualified, or good enough, can lead to upticks in anxiety, depression, burnout, as well as the inability to even enjoy hard-earned successes at work. The report called for workplaces that are prone to fostering imposter syndrome in employees to examine their practices, choosing cooperation and inclusiveness over a competitive culture, rather than placing blame on employees who don't feel good enough.
